Misconceptions Challenged

This post is in response to an interesting comment on the post Misconceptions Trashed.

Thorin25 just started following this blog recently, and is the author of the blog healingcd.  Some of the opinions there aren’t to everyone’s taste but I don’t pass judgment on a book’s cover.  In fact I find some of it quite interesting even if I don’t agree with it all.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Thorin asked for my reasoning behind some of the things contained in the “Misconceptions” post and I started to respond in the comments section of said post.  However, I felt that the answers really needed wider viewing, mainly because the issues affect us all, but also it may help you (and Thorin) understand a little more about me.

First off, for those that can’t be bothered to go the post and read the comment, I’ll repost it here in full:

Let me gently challenge you :)

You say “crossdressing can be cured” is a myth. You are convinced there is no cure, to the point that you would disagree with a professional counselor.

Where do you get your information and argument for this view? Based just on the fact that you don’t want to be cured? I have a whole network of bloggers who have completely given it up and found various “cures.” Are we just crazy and deceived? Are you convinced we will fall into crossdressing again? If so why?

I’d like to hear your argument :)

Well, I’ll start off by saying that I very rarely put any real advice in my posts – in fact I try to keep the majority of posts light-hearted. I try to remain impartial on the stronger subjects, not because  I’m shying away from confrontation but more that I can’t be arsed stressing over it, frankly!  Having said that there are some subjects that I do feel strongly about and that sentiment, however unintentionally, can creep in.

Getting back on subject, I have to admit that I’m not the biggest fan of counsellors.  I don’t believe that a lot of them truly understand the issues of transgender / crossdressing, or any of the subtle little differences between the many variations of the subject.  I mean, honestly, how can they understand it unless they’ve lived it?

Even we don’t know why we have these urges, so isn’t taking the advice of someone who doesn’t know what you’re going through seem a little … wrong(?)

As for the source for my posts, well the majority stems from my own experience, and the experiences of others that I’ve befriended both online and off.

Like many out there I spent most of my late teens and early twenties feeling guilty about what I was doing and anxious about being found out.

All I knew was that crossdressing gave me a source of relaxation in a way that nothing else did, and this is still true today. During that torrid period of adjustment there was a gap of almost four years when I didn’t dress and, in fact, didn’t even think about it. I can cite cases of people who’ve gone a lot longer – I think the longest was a guy in his sixties who just got the urge again after thirty-odd years. Anyway, in my case the old feelings started to surface again and I found myself needing to indulge. I tried to fight it as best I could but, like I said, I find it incredibly relaxing and at that time I’d started a new, more stressful job.

From those same experience sources it seems that the crossdressing need is always there.

Of course I wouldn’t be so crude as to suggest that those who claim to be cured are crazy or decieved.

If they are truly cured then more power to them and I’ll be the first to congratulate them.  They’re obviously happier away from femme clothes.  But, my friends, the mind is a strange thing – wonderful … but strange nonetheless. There’s still so much that we don’t know about it and I think it’s entirely feasible that the crossdressing need can lay dormant in some deep recess of the subconscious, just waiting for that trigger to set them off again.

This appears to be what happened in my case, anyway.  You don’t need to be actively thinking about the subject and, indeed, you might even believe it to be a dim and distant memory but it’s always liable to return at any time.

I’m not going to say that it will return in every case – of course it won’t.  But the potential will always be there.

I know from late-night trawling around the internet that there are enough people with differing views on this subject that, with enough research, anyone can both find enough evidence to support their own stance on the matter.

Just let’s not forget that it’s also constant warring over who’s right that makes it a lot harder (sometime impossible) for those that are struggling to find the proper help.

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2 thoughts on “Misconceptions Challenged”

  1. Thank you for your gracious response 🙂

    First of all, I agree with you about counselors. I don’t really trust counselors to handle this issue well. Most of them have no prior experience dealing with people like us. They don’t understand it near as well as we do. I have talked to some counselors about it, and it was pretty unhelpful. I was basically just teaching them. But I do think they can be helpful with thinking through how we deal with stress, anxiety, talking to others about our problems, finding group help, accountability, etc. More general things besides helping us to understand the ins and outs of our crossdressing issue.
    However, I do wonder about the counselors who spend all of their time counseling people like us. I haven’t tried one of them before, but they are out there. It seems that they would have some good insight since they’ve heard the stories of hundreds of people like us in detail.

    I agree with you also that people who have resisted crossdressing for years and years, may still have those desires there deep down. Or the desires may flare up at a later time. But I guess I’d want to say that there are some people for whom the desires would completely go away. And even for those that don’t have the desires completely go away, they can still find health, wholeness, and happiness apart from crossdressing. So maybe the best way to speak about it is not as a “cure”, but that you can find ways to enjoy life, not crossdress, not feel in need of crossdressing, even if part of you still desires it.

    I’ve only gone 3 months without failing, and my desires are much less than before. But my personal guess for myself is that the desires will never completely go away until I die and Jesus makes me new. Unless God gives me a miracle and takes my desires for it away. But that is okay with me. I’m feeling good and healed just by not doing it. It’s not that I won’t feel good until the desires go away. If they never go away, that’s just fine. I don’t need to give in to them.

    In the same way, I think someone can find healing from their alcohol addiction. They stopped giving in, they stop destroying their life through it, and they find happiness and wholeness apart from alcohol. But part of them will probably always desire alcohol still. But that doesn’t mean that they haven’t found true healing.

    All of us will still be tempted to various sins while on this earth. Jesus never promised to take away our temptations. He just wanted us to not give in to them, and promised us that we have the ability to resist them through God helping us.

    So I didn’t clarify in my earlier comment what I meant by “cures” so that maybe was misleading. Sorry. But this is what I mean.

    1. Thanks for the response. You raise a good point actually, regarding alcoholism. Although I think crossdressing is more of an issue with the brain’s wiring, if you will, rather than a dependency, which drink tends to be. Having said that one does require an high degree of self-control to get to a point where either doesn’t end up ruling our lives.

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