Crossdressing, The Lonely Existence
One of the hardest things for most crossdressers is spending a lot of time alone. I have to admit that I don’t have problem with this because I really am very comfortable in my own company. For some, though, it is a problem.
For a lot of us that loneliness is forced upon us by the feeling that we need to hide our dressing because of the “stigma” that our supposedly liberal society incurs on such practices. Most of us have some online friends, or are members of at least one crossdressing forum – in fact these are probably more the ‘norm’ in this technological day-and-age. Those friendships are obviously important because it at least gives us someone to talk to that understands us, but there really is no substitute for close, flesh-and-blood, friends who can share our joys and frustrations connected to our chosen lifestyle. Only a small number of us are lucky enough to have one or two such friends on the “scene”.
After all, most young girls learn about style by sharing tips with one another in school or in the playground, so it stands to reason that we as crossdressers can benefit from such personal friendships in the same way. We can all do with that special friend that we trust to tell us that the dress we really want is really not so suitable!
It’s well known that women go to great lengths to look beautiful – investing in everything from expensive beauty products to extreme diets to cosmetic surgery. So if women go to such lengths, imagine what a crossdressing male must go through to appear feminine!
Let’s face it, for the average man who has grown up in a “guy world,” there aren’t that many sources for style tips or beauty secrets! Conversations are more likely to centre around sports, films or video games rather than which tops go best with which jeans. And you could probably forget about asking your mates about the best ways to tuck away those “bits” to achieve that smooth appearance down below!
Because we don’t get the benefit of those formative years we have to work twice as hard just to catch up with our own sense of style, as well as learn the proper techniques involved in the application of make-up. Girls begin to learn make-up and style techniques from an early age. As they enter adolescence girls will start consulting magazines or the internet for tips, or share advice with their friends. It would be wrong to suggest that they all become experts, but by the time they reach their teens or young adulthood, girls have more than likely learnt at least the basics of style and glamour. They know where to shop and what to shop for.
The same can’t be said for crossdressing men. Typically, men who crossdress can start at any age, most in early teens, some earlier and some are into their forties or later. So it goes without saying that most will start off with little or no training in the areas of style or make-up or dressing.
Plus we really don’t have the right body-shapes – a complete lack of curves in some areas, and those non-feminine bulges in others – and learning to work around those problems is not something a genetic girl has to deal with.
Creating a feminine form is one of the hardest challenges facing crossdressers. It requires three things that most men just do not have: a full bosom, an hour glass figure, and a smooth crotch. But that’s where a few tips and accessories can really help. Without doubt the best way to create the illusion of a full bosom (other than resorting to hormones or surgery) is to invest in some breastforms.
Achieving the ultimate female illusion requires that we present a smooth crotch area. In the crossdresser community, this is rather unfortunately known as tucking (surely there’s a better word for it?). But it is what it says. I personally find doing this incredibly uncomfortable after a while and haven’t actually done it for years, but then I don’t leave the comfort of my house. Some of you may have attempted to create your own methods of tucking but the easiest way is with a well-made, well-designed gaff. These can help men present a smoother feminine front, even in tight fitting skirts, form fitting jeans and sexy lingerie.
The final element in creating a female silhouette is to make the waist slimmer, most commonly achieved with a waist cincher or even a corset. Both of these will hold in the tummy area creating that hourglass figure that both women and crossdressing men crave. And, as a result, the hips will appear wider and more feminine in comparison. Expert advice is that you should order the waist cincher / corset two to four inches smaller than your actual waist measurement.
First Steps In The “Real” World
For those crossdressers with the urge to get out in public the first time out is something special. For most (myself included), the first time out usually means a short drive around the neighbourhood in the dead of night. For the more adventurous you may stop off at the service station to fill-up the tank. Eventually many will want to go further. They want to get out in public and have some interaction with other people. This takes a lot of confidence.
Men have been coming out of the closet in increasing numbers since the internet began its meteoric rise. The internet, with its wealth of information, “T”-friendly websites, and its comforting anonymity, has allowed crossdressers to explore pretty much every aspect of transgender living from the safety of their own home.
Before this crossdressers, for the most part, led an isolated existence. We had little contact with other dressers, and received very little positive reinforcement from friends and family – and nothing but ridicule from the mass media. But the popularity of the internet has shone a light on the loneliness and isolation of the crossdresser’s physical and emotional closet.
Where crossdressers of the past have had to suffer in shameful silence, today’s crossdressing male needs only to log on to the internet and he is immediately transported into a brave new world of virtual sites all devoted to crossdressing, transgendered support, make-up tips, meeting and dating. For today’s cd, the support, sympathy and camaraderie that crossdressers and transvestites of past generations longed for is now only a few clicks away!