Misconceptions trashed

There are many common misconceptions surrounding the practice of crossdressing / transvestism and I’m here today to put the main ones in the trash can.  I’m aware that the major-league bigots out there won’t believe a word of this but I’m sure they won’t be reading it. At least I hope they won’t be reading this because all my posts are tagged with words that they really shouldn’t be ‘googling’, in which case I would question their motives.

Instead, this is really aimed at anyone who is trying to come to terms with their own feelings or even a spouse or SO who is researching the subject in order to try to understand what it’s all about.

Crossdressing Can Be Cured.

Oh, dear.  Whoever came up with this one must have been really desperate.

Truth is there is no cure. If you’re a crossdresser and you’re seeing a counsellor who is telling you otherwise dump them now.  They should be helping you come to terms with your dressing rather than eradicate it.

Women Who Love Crossdressers Must Be Lesbians.

So … what’s it like be in love with a man who likes wearing a dress?

I can’t answer this one personally, but I do know from various forums that many find ways of dealing with this.  A common answer that comes up quite a bit is to treat the presented female persona as any other friend, rather than a sexual partner.   Some more enlightened ladies enjoy both the friendship and sexual sides but this is rare.

Be prepared, though, because by far the most common way of dealing with it is to ignore and hope that it goes away, which is quite ironic really because this is often the male response to difficult situations.

Most of us would give just about anything for our partners to be accepting of us as friends – in fact we’d probably all be ecstatic and eternally grateful for that friendship instead of banishing us to the closet because you can’t deal with it.

Crossdressers only dress for sexual gratification.

It’s true that the vast majority will have experienced a high degree of sexual excitement relating to dressing during their teenage years.  However, many will find the sexual element decline as hormones calm down and they reach adulthood.

For the most part adult crossdressers will associate dressing with relaxation and stress relieval. They will often feel a lot calmer and be less prone to violent outbursts.

Of course there are those that find an erotic element in crossdressing and crossdress or fantasize about being CD to enhance sexual enjoyment, but it shouldn’t be applied to every single person who crossdresses.

Crossdressers don’t like women.

As mentioned in the answer above, this is far from the truth.  In fact, rather than shying away from women, most crossdressers are as married or looking for a relationship as much as any other men.

I’m a firm believer that there is even some advantage to being a crossdresser. When dressed most of us will often take on a more sensitive and understanding persona. Wives / SO’s would find them easier to relate to during these occasions and that can only serve to enhance the relationship.

Such enhancement, however, can only truly be achieved if the woman feels comfortable with her partner’s occasional dressing. Unfortunately, many don’t.

Crossdressers always wear women’s clothes.

Another untruth.

Most crossdressers will, in fact, only dress once a month or once every six months. Many men don’t ever even reach the point of fully dressing but feel the same relaxed feeling by just wearing women’s underwear under their suits.

Lest we forget, of course, there are the female-to-male crossdressers (yes, they really do exist!) – they obviously don’t wear women’s clothes.

Crossdressers Have Weird Sexual Habits.

This one really makes me laugh.   There are other sections of our colourful societies that have far weirder sexual habits than any crossdresser could ever have, so how do we get labelled with this?

Having said that, though, I do know that in the right circumstances being dressed has added an extra ‘something’ in the boudoir.

Crossdressers Look Like RuPaul.

Another silly one – how do they start?

Many crossdressers are as comfortable dressing in their ”femme” persona as they are dressing their male selves. Therefore, most conventions of crossdressers find a roomful of men dressed in women’s suits, low heels, tasteful makeup and nice hair rather than looking like the local drag act.

Crossdressing Develops in Adulthood.

This is rarely true. In most cases, my own included, crossdressing starts very young,

I remember dressing in my mum’s wedding dress when I was about eight years old

Crossdressers Are Made, Not Born.

Conventional wisdom seems to be that crossdressing is a result of both ‘Nature’ and ‘Nurture’.

We all have things that happen in our lives that ‘program’ us in how we’ll be sexual, whether we’ll like girls, boys (or both), if we’ll go ga-ga over redheads, blondes, fat women or thin women, or if we’ll love the feel of leather or satin.

Everyone has their preferences but science can’t explain how or why it happens, so let’s just enjoy ourselves in the lives we have instead of criticising those who do things differently.

Crossdressers Are Schizophrenic.


I guess I can see some sense in this one because we do, after all, have two distinct personas and, therefore, crossdressers will exhibit slight personality alterations in their “femme” role.

Generally, though, their personalities only change to the extent that an actor’s personality will change when they become their current character.

Crossdressers are gay

The number one.  The misconception to end all misconceptions.

It’s “kind of” understandable given that crossdressing is associated with effeminacy and, by association, the uneducated may see that as being gay.

The truth of the matter is that most of us are not gay.  There are many variations on the crossdressing theme but many, like myself, want to present as close a picture of the female form as we can.  In that endeavour it is only natural to protray an air of effeminacy, otherwise the illusion is not complete.

The vast majority of us are heterosexual, and the question of how to deal with the women in our lives is one of the most difficult things for crossdressers to figure out.

Not an easy thing when there is so much negativity surrounding the subject.

3 thoughts on “Misconceptions trashed”

  1. Let me gently challenge you 🙂

    You say “crossdressing can be cured” is a myth. You are convinced there is no cure, to the point that you would disagree with a professional counselor.

    Where do you get your information and argument for this view? Based just on the fact that you don’t want to be cured? I have a whole network of bloggers who have completely given it up and found various “cures.” Are we just crazy and deceived? Are you convinced we will fall into crossdressing again? If so why?

    I’d like to hear your argument 🙂

    1. Wow. This really got me thinking (in a good way). I started to reply but it got so long that I’ve decided to respond in a post, rather than take up a load of room here. Hope you don’t mind(?) It may even spark some thoughts in others.

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